You’re Not My Everything

Many of us grow up with the idea of soulmates. Regardless of how quickly you find fault in the notion or how tightly you hold on to the idea it is a concept that there you find everywhere. If you were ever a little girl, from the moment you first watched a movie, twirled a skirt or looked at a boy, someone in your life started talking to you about your:


Prince Charming




True Love


“the one”

(Am I dating myself?)

Of course, if it wasn’t enough that you were keeping your eye out for your one and only you were also told that there was another person out there for you. She’s your…


Best Friend Forever


The Blanche to your Dorothy,


The Romy to your Michelle,


The Christina to your Meredith,


The Dionne to your Cher.

(Okay, now I’m definitely dating myself.)

In these two relationships you should find everything you need. A best friend will fill all your needs. Your man will fill all your needs. What more do you want?

More people.

Who in real life do you know that actually relies on a spouse and a BFF for all their needs? No one. Of course not. It doesn’t make sense. This is why you know more than two people. So why on earth do you look for all the ideal qualities you want in those you meet? The boy you’re dating watches baseball, which you hate. Ditch him. He doesn’t want to sit in a coffee shop reading quietly when he’d rather be hiking. Ditch him.  Your new friend doesn’t want to talk about the person he’s dating yet. Terrible sign. Or she hates on your number one hobby. Not going to work out.

In a new person, quirks or qualities that don’t align with our own seem disappointing and yet when we look at our old friends we tolerate and even embrace much greater differences!

I have two friends I write letters with, but most people I know don’t have the patience for letters. I have several friends I talk about cooking with, but not baking. I can’t talk music very well with my friend that I talk baking with.  There’s a few folks I like to talk about books with. I used to have some friends who I rode bikes with regularly. My friend who always rode bikes with me hates crafts, which I love.  My husband likes to cook with me but not bake. We talk about books but he doesn’t like a lot of the ones I like. I hate a lot of the music he prefers. I can only “watch sports with him” by reading a book beside him. I don’t fish.

It takes a village. Maybe it’s a better idea to cast a large net than to hone in on one person.

After all it wasn’t just Blanche and Dorothy in the Golden Girls. There was the cheesecake too.



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