Shark Attack!

There are a variety of reasons you don’t want to hear your state’s name in the news. Riots, shootings,  fires, tornadoes or other natural disasters, escaped prisoners, embarrassing actions by a politician and so on. Another for the list? Shark attacks. North Carolina has been in the news frequently this summer (at least 8 times I believe) because of our newly active neighbors, the shark community. Normally it’s very easy to scoff and mock our overly paranoid friends and families but now the beach community is feeling a little uneasy too. While the beach traffic indicates that everyone’s still at the shore, I think everyone’s scanning the water more often these days.


What perfect timing for Shark Week! This past week wrapped up Shark Week on Discovery proving that North Carolina’s sharks are petite and docile compared to the rest of the world. We caught a few episodes of heartwarming stories like “Return of the Great White Serial Killer” or “Superpredator” during a rainy Saturday at my father-in-law’s this weekend. (I don’t believe anyone who says they don’t watch an extraordinary amount of cable TV at their parents’ house. That’s just impossible.)


One of the commercials that came up was for a Shark themed drink at Outback or Applebee’s or something different but where the food is basically exactly the same. Shocking! I thought Lucy’s Retired Surfer’s Bar cornered the market on this. During my very brief waitressing stint there I only had to serve two Shark Attacks (I think that’s what they were called). They were very strong, sugary sweet and gross, BUT they came with a pretty plastic mermaid that sat on the rim and a plastic shark filled with grenadine. You were not allowed to serve the drink without making the recipient listen to your shark story. Every server had their go-to shark story.


“Once there was a beautiful mermaid. She loved sitting on the edge of a beautiful pool of blue water just admiring her own reflection, but she also loved shopping. She would spend money on shell pieces for her hair, on new coconuts for her coconut bra, on waterproof makeup – it was non-stop. She got in over her head and borrowed money from a loan shark. He told her what would happen if she didn’t repay him, but she couldn’t stop spending money. It was an addiction! The loan shark had no sympathy for the mermaid. He knocked her into the pool with his tail and ate her. Onlookers watched as the pool filled with her blood (grenadine).”

Clearly I was a natural. Probably shouldn’t have switched careers.

P.S. I thought I posted this last week. It was way more timely then, dangit.


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